these are the things I cant say when were alone

(4 | ...I hope you need this now)

Subject:	goodbye, goodnight.
Time:	4:05 pm.
Mood:	determined.
Music:	death cab.

it seems to me we all forget how rejection feels, and how it feels to be the one committing the crime. This isn't a guilt game, but a realization factor. We all become blind to who we effect in our everyday actions. We never think twice about the emotions we can stir through our own simple actions. But this isn't me trying to make the people who have moved on turn around and pick me back up. This isn't a parade of misery, or a hope for the past. This is simply a plead of respect. Every single person on this earth is a contradiction, whether we want ot believe it or not. Every person I have met has let me down in some way, and every person I have known I have done the same. It is in our human nature unfortunately. We all become to caught up in the glitz and glamor and forget what is important. In the ten seconds it takes to make something right, our minds change and we move on. As easy as it is to live in the past we can't look back, we must look up. As much as I would like to re-kindle the friendships I have lost, the most i can ever ask for is the truth. It's high school, we all change our minds faster than we change our clothes. But if it weren't for the turbulence of our youth and the tribulations we have to face nothing would be as amazing as it is, and becoming mature would be impossible. We all go through a pass of time where we don't know what is right or wrong, and we just do what feels right. It is what a teenager is: impulse and regret. As hard as it is to face the facts that things aren't meant to be, we have to do it to grow up. I think sometimes we don't face the truth ot let things go because we don't want to end up in a future we don't like. we can't bring back the past, and that is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. That is part of the reason this is my very last "online journal" crap. I use these things to live in the past and remember useless facts, I use these to keep up with friends that I am too scared to just call. I decided I didn't like that idea. But our time is running out and the only thing we can do to ease that reality to to live the cliche of every day as it is the last. When we look back on our lives when we have grown old do we regret what we did, or what we didn't? when we can answer that question we can solve the disabilities of our youth.

(...I hope you need this now)

Time:	12:13 am.
Mood:	bored.
Music:	homegrown.

traffic lights turning yellow:
a kiss and a slap on the roof.
i taught you that superstition
driving downtown
with the windows down.

late at night, talking over
a broken radio.
and i kiss my fingers,
and our single headlight
winks out for the last time.
we talk about the last time it felt right

and i'm certain, if i drive into those tress,
it'd make less of a mess
than you've made of me.

rainer maria is too amazing for me.

(...I hope you need this now)

Subject:	i don't miss you, oh i am trying to convince myself of that.
Time:	4:07 pm.
Mood:	it's okay..
Music:	I'm scared that it's ok..

autumn is whispering in my ear again
it's begging me to come out and play
go 12 months back, and look where we ended up
who would've guessed?
this time there aren't any hills to fall down
the couch has room for only one
how many times
will you walk by with your eyes at your feet?

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